Category Archives: Shilpa Shetty

How Cute Is This?

I am a silent person; I talk less; gives me a load of gravity, as a friend of mine likes to call seemingly serious and thinking people (note the stress on seemingly, please);  but that also often makes people assume that I am a good listener, a silent observer.

And observe, I do (Oh yes…!). My most recent observation has been about the frequency of certain words in our day-to-day language. The current Gen X or Gen Y or Gen whatever is very prolific in the use of words like “cool” (sounding more like kyool), “amazing” and ofcourse “like”.

Now, the reason why like is used is to add a more familiar and often funny description to what would otherwise be a mundane tale. So instead of saying he is so quick you would say…wow..he’s like a bolt of lightening. When used selectively, it adds to the flavour of the conversation and makes you look pretty articulate. All good things. But when you sprinkle “like” in your language such that it comes up after every 17 seconds of blabber, it becomes a pain in the “you know where”. If you haven’t had the fortune of meeting such a person, just check out Aishwarya Rai in Dhoom-2 where she immortalizes (more like beats to death) the “like” way of boring your audience to crap they anyway see on the streets.

Now, even though this form of usage is irritating, it does not hurt another person’s feelings. But there is one word which I have observed to be more used (read: misused) than any other to promote hypocrisy and malice in this world. Hypocrisy – you ask. Oh yes, such horrifying inferences (and maybe consequences) and such a harmless word – “CUTE”.

Yes, cute – this is the word that you will see on every girl’s lips (if you manage to look beyond her Revlon). They see a filthy street dog with flies circling around his wounded leg and out it comes – “Oh, he’s so cute … how did he get hurt?”. They meet an average looking guy in a party who compliments them “You are looking beautiful” and the never-keep-quiet hormone in them blasts out a response ‘ Oh, you are also looking cute”. Everything in the world, that they either do not understand or do not care about, is cute. You smile, you are cute; you get angry, you are cute; you laugh, you are cute; you cry, you are cute – If that’s what people say to you, you MUST be cute. And it should be pretty clear to you that you can never be anything else in life. Not handsome, not sexy, not beautiful, not clever, not macho, not brave, not sensitive – because all you can ever be is “Cute”.

Don’t really believe me? Well, how cute!
Such is the widespread inference of insult from this word that a car manufacturer in the US has come up with a slogan for its latest car launched in the market. “Anything but cute”. Check out their ad below.

Need more proof of this soon-to-be widely accepted theory? Look at some of the biggest names from Bollywood and see if they fit the “cute” mold.

Himesh Reshammiya
This is a man who has aroused so much interest that I need to write a separate piece about him. But for now, just look at the trailers from his movie “Aap Kaa Surroor”. The man’s eyes have so much passion and hope that when he talks to the camera about his “super-duper-hit” debut movie that even movie critics are calling him ‘brave’ because he knows he will be mocked at. He is making a fool out of himself in the movie but a man like this cannot be called foolish. After all, you do tap to his catchy beats and swing to his nasal ‘ooooooooooo’. So what do you call a man who seems to be doing a movie just because he is in love with his own passion – ofcourse cute! 🙂

Shilpa Shetty
Now who on earth calls our hamari pyaaree Shilpa cute when they talk about her? Before she won Big Brother, we did not even talk about her, forget calling her “our hamari pyaaree “! Anyhow, now that we do talk of her, we (as in those who like her) call her sexy, beautiful, raapchik, maal, mast figure, amazing energy dancer (that’s my personal addition), etc etc etc (oh that was another thing we called her before Big Brother 🙂

Those who don’t like her so much would call the entire country of India crazy for going bonkers over winning a stupid gameshow which she got paid to enter! (something to the tune of Rs. 3 Crores!; if that were crazy, India’s poverty problems wouldn’t be on the list of every Finance Minister). These people would also call her a lucky Be-otch or some rather unprintable adjectives (&^*@&#^$&*#^$@).

But have you ever heard someone call her “cute”? No, because cute is for people who have nothing else to be spoken about. It is the best description for a LOSER! (Himesh, are you listening?) This ought to be in big letters with sparkling lights all around it (Las Vegas style).

Sunil Shetty
Another Shetty here but, unlike our hamari pyaaree Shilpa, Sunil hasn’t had many accomplishments. I was about to say – unlike Shilpa he hasn’t been lucky – but then I paused, and thought, how else would you explain a person of his drop dead (I mean literally) looks, acting skills comparable to Shah Rukh Khan, and a disarming (pun intended) charm becoming a Bollywood hero? Anyway, back to the point, if you were to meet Sunil and say something about him, you would say he is a very strong macho man.

But if you imagine him without his macho body (I will make it easy for you – imagine him with Abhishek Bachchan’s body ), what would you call him? Handsome? …ahem …sexy? hmmm …naah …how about ..umm..ahem …cUTE? BINGO! With eyes as deep as a dried up well and a singular expression policy (look at him in Herapheri and Mohra without volume – you can’t tell that he played a macho hero in the first and a comedian in the second….lovely …o wait ..was it the other way around? Hehe … you see what I mean). It happens with Sunil – he is so cute! 🙂

Esha Deol
What do you feel when you look at this girl? Now before you answer that, just wait. There are some rules. You can’t call her macho, muscular, manly, nor can you say she doesn’t know good classical dance. You also cannot say that she has a wooden face when it comes to acting, that she does not have the oomph her mother had in her acting, that she does not have the humour that her father had, that her brother Bobby Deol has better hair than her, that she is lucky not to have too much in common with her other brother Sunny Deol and that she reminds you of Amelie Mauresmo. So you follow the rules and say that you respect her as she is, that her acting is nice, and ofcourse, that she looks really “cute”; especially when she dances in Tauba Tauba song from the movie Kaal.

Preity Zinta
She is a very beautiful girl (let’s call her a lady now that she celebrated her 30 something b’day recently), very sweet dimples, bubbly acting – overall very cute! This is probably an exception rather than the rule. I say that because no matter what she does, she does not look sexy. Remember the song Jiya Jale from Dil Se – she tried to look hot and sensuous in that song but what she looked could most appropriately be described as cute. So, you see, in a way, cute still goes with failure – for she was failing at what she was trying to do! She’s tried it all, short skirts, ultra short skirts, towel scenes and what have you. Even Yash Chopra, the king when it comes to making the sexiest scenes with actresses, could not do that for her in (what was that movie) Veer Zaara. At least that’s what I can tell from the trailers of that movie; ‘cos I could not go through more than 3 minutes of that movie. And believe me, I can see Yash Chopra and Karan Johar kind movies, but that one, well, as they say, no one is perfect. Not even Yash Uncle – but at least he tried, that’s cute! 🙂

Vivek Oberoi
Every man must have this question – what did Aishwarya Rai like in Vivek Oberoi? This cannot even be a multiple choice question. This can, at best, be a radio button question! With choices like his stupid acting or his narration skills (how he narrated how Salman threatened him to the journos). And remember one recent movie that won a large number of awards and critical acclaim least year – Omkaara! The movie is remembered for all kinds of roles – Saif’s role ofcourse, then Om bhaiyya, Kareena’s beautiful acting and even Sarju’s role (the guy with Saif in the first scene). But does Mr. V figure in all this? Nopes. So, probably that is why all girls who like him (I have bever heard of a guy saying he likes Vivek Oberoi – am representing the straight guys :). OK, maybe I am being too mean – he may not be a total zero at acting. And he might be a sensitive guy to have impressed Ash. He must have told her how he tries so hard to act and make an impression; and how he will protect her from Salman (now even he would know he is lying there …); and how they will make a cute pair. So, what would you call such a guy? Cute, eh? 🙂

Karan Johar
It’s the Nth Filmfare Awards night and Karan Johar steps up on the stage to present a special feature on his movie “Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham” and ends it with tears in his eyes and these words on his lips “It’s all about loving your parents”. Ravi Chopra made a bigger parents tear-jerker in Baghbaan. More parents asked their kids to watch Baghbaan than K3G and yet Ravi Chopra didn’t come up crying on stage for a movie he made. Karan Johar looks more comfortable in an interview with Kareena and Rani rather than when he has Sunny and Bobby Deol as his guests. He admits that he can make only the same kind of movies because that’s all he knows – human relationships. And I guess most of his relationships start and end with Shah Rukh Khan. So, what do you call him? A cute guy?

Abhishek Bachchan
In the pre-Yuva days, there was absolutely nothing that this guy could prove to the normal everyday guys. Girls ofcourse did like him a lot – they called him cute but then they had a lof of, so to say, evidence to prove their claim. “His eyes are so deep, so lovely … hee hee hee …his smile is ..oh so sweet …and the way he dances … ooooh” and so on and so whatever they went. While I find little logic in what was said about him, there is a difference here in the cute. It comes out naturally and there are more things to talk about. So this guy wasn’t a total loser; well, anyway, when your father is “like” the biggest super star the country has ever seen, it takes more than just cute to screw things up!

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Filed under Abhishek Bachchan, Aishwarya Rai, Bollywood, Dhoom, Dhoom-2, Dodge Caliber, Esha Deol, Himesh Reshammiya, Karan Johar, Movies, Preity Zinta, Sarcasm, Shilpa Shetty, Sunil Shetty, Vivek Oberoi, Yash Chopra